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Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in Blood Tears And Grease's LiveJournal:

Thursday, August 29th, 2002
2:54 pm
i've started school and started realizing things even in people whom i love.
Everybody wants to be everything but themselves , is that how
we live our lives striving to fit into a subculture until the next one comes?...
are we truly that shallow?.What has become of us that not only we embrace sin but we try and make it
sound better than it is? , we try to say "well , its ok because..." or "yeah but"
hey.. wake up call , sin is sin , there is no lesser of two evils because either way it is evil
and no excuse in any circumstancve can make it good , sin is death...Get smart , get tough people.
I also have problems and i stumble so i'm speaking to myself with this.
One of the closest people to me said that i sound too convicting and harsh when i talk about such things
but the way it is ..is that things should not be sugarcoated ... if things are then we think everything is ok ,
how can i lie about death and say its only a simple curable disease , if we keep living in this teletubby
like faith setting we don't and can't fuly grasp on to reality because nothing in life
is ranbows and flowers.

in other news ,
this month i have found myself re-opening wounds and salting them.
Tuesday, August 27th, 2002
12:42 pm
the 4-1-1
you know the toughest kids in this world
still wear that X on the back of thier hand

- just because straight edge isn't the "hip" thing
anymore doesn't mean some don't still believe in living
free from impurity.

the power of the X
12:33 pm
:not to be:i took a picture , see i was there.
i can stil smell your hair.
and the wind blew love softly through the air.
and cupids dart , hit my heart.and i fell in love.
with you in moments within seconds.

you told me , you had to go.
your flight was leaving , to san antone.
i was so far from home.
so i kissed your hand and walked away.
and cried away with the night.

{i wish you could have stayed with me.
i wish i could have atleast gone with you.
i dont know if i'l ever see you again.
but i love you , and il allways remember you.}

i still smell your hair , i can still feel your sweater.
i still remember the sound of your voice.
evernight i look at you in this picture
i my mind i rewind and that movie
a love a love never to be.
that couldve been
but never was.

:Thousand Stars:
the love i have for you burns like the stars
here i wishing it could be like it was in the start
wishing you were still in my arms
wishing i had the key to your heart
people change with the seasons
but i find stupid all the reasons

you call it greed and selfishness
but its a feeling called love
it hurts me so much to hear about your somebody
i sit alone , thinking of you with nobody , but me
maybe i am greedy , maybe im selfish
but i love you so , its what love has driven me to
blame me , i dont care , but youl never know how much i lve you
my love for you burns like a thousand stars

:help Yourself:
i could tell you a thousand things
and sing you a thousand songs
yell a thousand curses
and give you ten dozen answers
but it dont help any
if you dont help yourself

How can i help you , when you dont want to help yourself?
i could tear down the skies above and burn all the bridges
i could solve a million puzzles but i cant solve you

i see you cry those salty tears you cry
ive wiped them from your face time and time again
wonderin' when youl stop killing yourself
you cry for help but i cant help you
if you dont help yourself.

:i meant it:
those moments , of hapinesss
that letter you wrote me
and toled me you loved me
those nights of courage
the courage i had t tell you
i loved you. and i meant it.
i meant it.

we heard songs never heard before
we dance like wed never danced before
and we shared those little times beachside
where i held you tightly.

you wrote me little letters just to tell
of a love that you felt , i hoped you meant it
it came time for the courage
to tell of all youd done
and it came time , to break my heart
to tell me of the selfish things
tellme of the ugly things
and i cried
andtold you i loved you. i meant it

:that drug in you:
i thought it all was fine between you and me
and that you know how the rules were made
but rules were broken , i dont know where we remain
you know my views on self inflicted abuse
i cant handle to loose another love to drug use.

it hurts so bad to know
i wish i didn't know.
it breaks my heart to think
about your self infliction.

i love you , and i wont leave you , but it hurts
everytime i look in your eyes , i see the death
waiting to take you away.
it lingers in the abbey of your heart
in the disease its manifested in you
but somehow we'l see it through

:until xxx Death:
is it just the way this scene works
that when temptation rolls on by
they sell their edge for a beer and cig?
i know in my heart some still believe
in the straight edge
i know in my heart i still believe
in the straight edge

so when the hard times come
we'l face death with no fear
and stand strong united
edge til' the death

some people dont understand why we abstain
i tell them we wont be another casualty
the blood in my vieghns will allways be pure
and il llways have that X engraved in my heart
you know the toughest kids in this world
still wear that X on the back of thier hand
12:29 pm
Last week was great , i barely got any sleep tho..
last wednesday HEADNOISE played at my youth group with the remnant ,
it was a good show , not as much as a turn out as officer negative the week before but
decent.Thursday i went to stars bible study at her house , it was amazing ..
she is a prayer warrior , i only wish i could pray that much , maybe one day.
Friday Arianne picked me up and we went to her house to wait for david because she was going
to cut his hair , well it turns out she gave him 4 diffrent hair cuts so we were
late to the collaps/last mile show at skate street , but it was fun.Afterwards we went with sean
to taco de mexico in oxnard and they met up with a bunch of people ,
i had my friend on my mind the whole time so i just sat alone... i wish hed come
back to the lord.
SAturday sean alex arianne and i went to see headnoise/hanover saints/
black jacks (ex thee pirates)/civil defense and the remnant , it was an amazing show.
I was excited to see one of my best friends there , Angela is awesome.
Sunday was a horrible day.Yesterday did nothing but wrote wrote wrote and i read.
Oh i did see lord of the rings last night at stacies , good movie.
I'l post up my new songs in a sec.


Tuesday, August 20th, 2002
6:00 pm
bomb diggity
Todays News:

Religion makes me sick.
Monday, August 12th, 2002
1:01 pm
Questions Questions
i'm already tired out.I woke up at around 6 this morning ,
took a shower , watched some television at took my mom to therapy ... the doctors at the hospital
put her bandages on too tight so her hand was swollen.We are moving
on to another season and that of course means change , for the bad for the good ,
i await to see.Change in season usualy means spiritual changes , lame thing is that for
fall/winter i have seen breathing hearts die and grow cold , as in the summer
i see rebirth and growth., it figuers i guess.Next month is going to be the start of something good
, im starting a prayer walk team to walk downtown Ventura and force some change "up
in dis place".
Well i just got off the phone with my awesome friend *Star* , she is an amazing woman of God.
I cant wait until God has us working together.
We talked about something thats really been on my mind... some christians refuse
to acknowledge that they are christians , and they refuse to go by that name ,
that is insane.The name christian is an honor , it means disciple ,fallower of the
living christ , are we to deny that we fallow him because the name christian
doesnt sound appealing to others? or because some think of that name and
think bad thoughts? , no matter what people will persecute us because of our beliefs
so why try and hide away what we are? christians.Its sad that it comes
down to kids trying to avoid that name when there are people dying
in the world as they acknowledge bieng christian.Maybe the name isnt cool
or isnt appealing to others but we are to be humble, we shouldnt care what others
think because we dont even belong to this world! , if we have truly died to the flesh
and died to the world then why do we still get caught up in how the world thinks of us?
Jesus said that we will be hated and judged because we love him , because they hated him before us
and because he pulled us out of the world , and we no longer belong to it
yet we still care about how we look to others , how appealing we are and
how we can be "disciples" with a name that doesnt bring "shame" to us.
Im saying this to anyone who denies the name... if you are ashamed of who
you are then you should try and find yourself and as yourself what you really stand for
, truth hurts but if you deny bieng a christian... maybe youre right..
maybe youre not a christian , maybe you just believe in the word , but you dont
fallow him , and that my friends is sad.What do you stand for? ,
Are you really dead to the flesh , to the world and its views?.

see we complain about the "bad" name we have , doesnt that just
give us all the more reason to change it? to show people the true meaning?
we complin but we dont CHANGE the world around us , have we forgotten
our duty is not to seek things for ourselves
but pave the way for Jesus?.... think about it.
Sunday, August 11th, 2002
4:37 pm
alot folk would say that im a jerk
because i live for my cause instead of
everyone else.
some say i think too much of myself
but the fact is that i just know
who i am.
i guess im not the man you think i am
but its just the way God made me
and il stay the same.

its just the way i am
its just the way i think
i guess it differs with the
eyes you see me through
buts me ,its just the way i am
4:33 pm
Song I Wrote Today
i was driving down midtown thinking bout my gal'
my mind was in the heavens , i couldnt fall down
just thinking bout her eyes and how they light up the night
just thinking about that day that i held her so tight
and here i go again writting another song
but how could i just leave these feelings without a voice
when its making such commotion in this heart of mine.

I want to get you under the stars above
and hold you tight and show you all my love
my baby blue eyes brings out the lover in me
and il be the best man i can possibly be

laying in me bed its about 12 til 2
and my mind is still focused on you
im here writting this song and writting my heart
to tell you how i feel ,and be another love struck fool
but cupid shot me in the chest and how could i forget
baby blue eyes ive been a-love struck.
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